Monday, 04 June 2007
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recounting in Toronto
what a crazy weekend I had. getting pulled over for speeding, getting screamed at by some of my crazy friends on the phone ("don't fucking call me!"), beer on the beach, hanging out w/ my ex....everything seemed familiar and strange. I felt that I was outside of myself and judging my those four years of my high school life as a third person. maybe because of the fact that i'm finally comfotable with where i am, i felt glad that i had left toronto at every thought of the transition. I grew, I matured, and all the pain associated with making transitions seem to have paid off (a little too post-factum though). Then again, I also was sad with the fact that my close friends have also gone on to live their seperate lives - and squeezing me into their schedule will never be as easy as before. only at the end of the day, when i walked through my old apartment, when i walked through the same path that i did for four years, did I seem to allow myself to be a little nolstalgic, to redeem some of the four lonely years in that single-bedroom apartment that me and my mom shared. A part of me was finally accepting what had happened and perhaps one day I'll learn how to celebrate it and talk about it with laughters. seeing my ex. especially made me have mixed feelings about the past. I felt very glad that I'm not the same shy, innocent girl I was two years ago and at the same time had a sober awareness that there is something off about it. Could I reject the past and still be happy about the present?
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